长篇笑话：

笔者

老师告诉学生：“以后写文章，不要自称笔者，因为现在，没有人用笔。”

学生问：“那应该叫什么？”

老师说：“叫键人。”

学生又问：“哦，那些只用鼠标的呢？”

老师说：“叫鼠辈。”

学生再问：“可是，现在大家，都用智能手机了，都是触摸式的，那应该叫什么呢？”

老师说：“叫触生！”

我觉得一定有很多人暗恋我，因为这么多年了，也没有人跟我明着表白！

I think there must be a lot of people secretly love me, because for so many years, no one has made a clear statement with me!

人生最痛苦的事是肚子里没货，人生最最痛苦的事是肚子里就那么点儿货。

The most painful thing in life is that there is no goods in the stomach. The most painful thing in life is that there is so much in the stomach.

看到别人二十几岁就家产过亿，十亿，几十亿，我就五百万，还是像素。

Seeing that others have produced billions, billions, billions in their twenties, I will be five million, or pixels.

一位老人刚上车就昏倒了，身为售票员的我岂能坐视不管，我拼尽全力把老人家救醒了，然后让他补票。

An old man just got in the car and fainted. As a conductor, I could not sit down. I tried my best to wake up the old man's house and then asked him to make up the ticket.

当三分熟的牛排和七分熟的牛排相遇的时候，它们为什么互相不打招呼？因为；它们都不熟。

Why don't they say hello to each other when the three - cooked steak meets a seven - cooked steak? Because they are not familiar.

希望我能成为一个有趣有钱的人，实在不行，光有钱也是可以的。

I hope I can be an interesting and rich person, really not, only money can.

在外拼三年，一无所有的回到家。本以为妈妈会大发雷霆。可没想到妈妈没有骂我，还安慰我：“孩子，你并不是一无所有，最起码你还有脸回来。”

Three years out, nothing came home. I thought my mother would be furious. But I didn't expect my mother to scold me, but also comforted me: "child, you are not all, at least you still have a face back."

二十多岁的年纪，有人脱了单，有人脱了贫，而我却脱了缰，像只哈士奇一样，在二货的道路上狂奔。

In my twenties, some people took off their orders, some were out of poverty, but I took off the reins, and ran like a husky, on the road of second goods.

大家都说我单身，真是搞笑，大家不都一样么，谁能有双身？就连哪吒三头六臂也只是一个身子！

Everyone said I was single, it was funny. Are you different? Who can have a double? Even Nezha is just a body!

哪位大师能帮我算一下，我什么时候才能有很多很多钱？神回复：你家人给你上坟的时候。

Which master can help me calculate, when can I have a lot of money? God replied: when your family gave you a grave.